I'm Not Drunk, I Have Multiple Sclerosis – Honest!

There are few things more embarrassing than staggering down the street in broad daylight, completely sober, while looking as though you've just been thrown out of the local pub.

Welcome to the wonderful world of multiple sclerosis (MS), where walking in a straight line can become an Olympic event and standing still is sometimes an ambitious undertaking.

The trouble is, I'm not drunk, I have multiple sclerosis. But try explaining that to someone who's already decided you've had six pints before breakfast.

When Walking Becomes a Sobriety Test

Most people take walking for granted. Left foot, right foot, repeat until you arrive somewhere interesting.

Simple enough.

Unless, of course, your nervous system has other ideas.

MS can interfere with balance, coordination and proprioception — that mysterious sixth sense that tells your brain where your body parts are without having to look at them.

When those signals become unreliable, walking can resemble a badly choreographed dance routine.

One moment you're confidently heading towards the supermarket entrance. The next, you're performing an unexpected sideways shuffle towards the trolley shelter.

No alcohol required.

Of course, remaining physically active still matters, even when movement becomes more challenging. That's something I explore in why staying active matters even more after retirement.

The Invisible Pub Crawl

The particularly irritating thing about MS is that many of its symptoms are invisible.

You can look perfectly healthy while your nervous system is behaving like a computer running Windows 95 with seventeen programmes open.

Anyone familiar with computers knows that even a carefully organised system can produce unexpected results. Whether we're discussing HTML document structure or the human nervous system, things work better when information reaches the right destination.

Unfortunately, MS doesn't always respect the wiring diagram.

Balance problems, dizziness, muscle weakness and fatigue can all affect the way someone moves.

And then there's ataxia, a neurological problem that can make movements appear clumsy or poorly coordinated.

To the casual observer, these symptoms may look suspiciously like intoxication.

Which creates an awkward situation.

Do you explain your medical history to a complete stranger, or simply allow them to believe you've been enjoying an exceptionally enthusiastic lunchtime?

Personally, I rather like the idea of carrying a card that reads:

"I'm not drunk. My nervous system just has a questionable sense of humour."

And physical coordination isn't the only thing MS can disrupt. Cognitive difficulties can be equally frustrating, as I discuss in how to overcome brain fog.

When Your Legs Refuse to Cooperate

One of the more entertaining aspects of MS — entertaining for spectators, perhaps — is that your legs don't always follow instructions.

You tell your left foot to move forward.

It considers the request.

Your right foot decides to join the discussion.

Meanwhile, your balance has gone on holiday without leaving a forwarding address.

Throw in foot drop, muscle spasms or a sudden bout of dizziness, and even a short journey can become an adventure.

Unfortunately, the consequences aren't always funny.

Falls can cause serious injuries, and the fear of falling can gradually erode someone's confidence.

There's a difference between laughing at the absurdity of MS and pretending its effects don't matter.

Sometimes, the sensible option is to stop and recharge. After all, there are genuine benefits to doing absolutely nothing, particularly when your nervous system has already decided you've done enough.

The Problem With Looking Drunk

Being mistaken for drunk isn't merely embarrassing.

It can affect how other people treat you.

Someone struggling to walk might need assistance rather than judgement. Slurred speech, another possible MS symptom, can reinforce the mistaken impression of intoxication.

And fatigue can make everything worse.

The person who appears unsteady might actually be concentrating harder on walking ten metres than most people concentrate on completing their tax return.

This isn't an imaginary problem, either. One contributor to MultipleSclerosis.net describes being mistaken for drunk while living with MS, demonstrating how easily neurological symptoms can be misunderstood.

Sometimes MS even changes how we interpret our surroundings. Visual disturbances can complicate an already difficult situation, something explored in when MS changes how we see the world.

And when cognitive fatigue joins the party, things become even more interesting. I've previously explored how learning something new can help with brain fog, because keeping the mind engaged matters just as much as understanding its occasional misbehaviour.

A little understanding goes a long way.

Before assuming someone has been drinking, consider the possibility that their nervous system isn't cooperating.

Conclusion: I'll Have a Double — Of Understanding

Living with MS sometimes requires a sense of humour, particularly when your body insists on improvising.

I've learned that an unexpected wobble doesn't necessarily mean disaster, although it certainly deserves respect.

And while I can laugh at my occasional resemblance to a sailor negotiating a stormy deck, I'd rather people understood the reason.

Not everyone who staggers is drunk.

Not everyone who slurs their words has been drinking.

And not everyone who looks perfectly healthy is enjoying a perfectly functioning nervous system.

So, if you see me weaving along the pavement, don't automatically assume I've been visiting the pub.

I'm not drunk. I have multiple sclerosis.

And believe me, I wouldn't choose this particular hangover.